5 Positive Ways to Handle Disappointments

November 16, 2016November 17, 2016Leave a comment

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Part of growing up is realizing that we all face discouragement, disappointments and sadness at times. The real question we must ask ourselves is, “When I face discouragement or dashed expectations, how will I handle it?” We have a choice. It is up to us to decide if we will use our gifts, talents and abilities in a constructive or destructive way. In our country right now we are seeing a display of emotions and reactions to the recent election results. Sadly, many people choose to use their time and energy in destructive ways. Now I’m not saying we can’t be sad when disappointments come our way. We should always make time to grieve the losses we face in life, but then we must take our frustrations and step in a positive direction. Here are five ways you can take the setbacks in life and turn them into something good.

Find a cause you believe in and sign up to volunteer. If you feel deeply about an issue, do something about it in your own community. If the critics stopped using their mouths and started using their hands to effect change, our world would be a better place. Change happens from the ground up, so let’s put our actions where our mouth is and begin to take positive steps forward in our own communities.
Change your focus. Instead of filling your mind with what makes you angry, concentrate on what is right about your life, your community and your country. There are plenty of good people and wonderful organizations that deserve our attention, rather than wasting precious time judging and criticizing.
Develop a friendship with someone who is different than you. When is the last time you sat down with someone who has an opposing point of view, to listen and try and understand them? Step out of your comfort zone and get to know someone who lives, thinks and acts differently than you. You don’t have to agree with everything they believe, just seek to understand where they are coming from and why they feel the way they do.
Communicate with kindness. If you feel strongly about an issue, stop hurling insults and hateful comments. Instead, use your voice to reach out and communicate with thoughtful, wise and kind dialogue. If the protesters who are smashing cars and shouting profanities, used their energy to write out their ideas, concepts and concerns, they would be making giant leaps forward. Whether you are expressing your heart on social media or through a letter to the president, a kind discourse is much more effective than an angry vent.
Let love rule your thoughts and actions. Love the person in front of you no matter what they believe or what kind of opinions they hold. Let us each examine our hearts and love our neighbors as ourselves. Jesus took it a step further and told us to love our enemies. Never underestimate the power of love to change a nation. What if today, we each chose to simply love each person we encounter with both our words and our actions? Take your anger, turn it around and move forward with forgiveness, love and respect toward every person. Love will change your heart and will change the world, one person at a time.

For more steps to handling disappointments, check out Karol’s book Thrive, Don’t Simply Survive

Faith Built in Darkness

October 10, 20161 Comment

A photo by Todd Quackenbush. unsplash.com/photos/Nk5rSNq13sM

“In the northwest corner of Harvard Yard stands a building as massive as the man whose name it bears. At six feet, four inches and nearly three hundred pounds, Phillips Brooks, A. B. 1855, S. T. D. 1877, was an outstanding figure of Harvard’s Victorian age.,” reads the Harvard Magazine.[i] It goes on to say, “What was the secret of this man’s remarkable life and influence? Brooks wrote in 1891, ‘…These last years have had a peace and fullness which there did not use to be. I am sure that it is not indifference to anything I used to care for. I am sure that it is a deeper knowledge and truer love of Christ…I cannot tell you how personal this grows to me. He is here. He knows me and I know Him. It is no figure of speech. It is the realest thing in the world. And every day makes it realer.’”

A pensive clergyman and author, Brooks experienced a depth of faith through the struggles of life. He wrote, “I often hear people praying for more faith, but when I listen carefully to them and get to the essence of their prayer, I realize it is not more faith they are wanting at all. What they are wanting is their faith to be change to sight. Faith does not say, “I see this good for me; therefore God must have sent it.” Instead, faith declares ‘God sent it; therefore it must be good for me.’ Faith, when walking through the dark with God, only asks Him to hold his hand more tightly.”[ii]

Isn’t that an amazing perspective on faith? Even in the gloomiest moments of our lives, God does not leave us. When the Old Testament prophet Jeremiah was at his lowest point, he was still able to rally his faith and find his hope in God. We will all face discouraging moments especially as we stand up for what is right. But even though Jeremiah faced rock bottom emotions, he knew he could look up and find his hope in the Lord. He waited on the Lord through the troubling times. In his book of Lamentations, Jeremiah wrote a powerful commentary of hope rising up from despair.

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord

Allow Jeremiah’s words to be your strength through troubling times. When you feel alone. When you feel like no one else is listening. When you feel like you have made a mistake. When you feel rejected by your own people…may Jeremiah’s words be your comfort and reminder to keep your eyes on the Lord and wait patiently for Him. He does have a good plan. We may not see the fruit until we stand with Him in eternity, but let us remain faithful to the message He has given us no matter what the cost.

This is an excerpt from Positive Leadership Principles for Women

[i]www. Harvardmagazine.com/1996/05/vita.html

[ii] Jim Reimann and LBE Cowan, Streams in the Desert (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2008) May 1 entry.

Seeing People – Seeing Potential

August 22, 2016Leave a comment

City Business Women

Think about the countless people you encounter each day…

…At the coffee shop.

…In the checkout line.

…During work.

…At the playground with your kids.

…Around the neighborhood.

…In your home.

Now ask yourself, “Do I really see these people as valuable individuals, or do I see them simply as figures passing through my day?” It’s easy to become focused on what we need to accomplish and miss the very present opportunity to interact and engage with the people in our path.

Several years ago, I was getting out of my car for an event at the Dallas Arboretum. The valet recognized me and said she had read some of my books. Trust me, this doesn’t happen very often, so understandably I wanted to visit with her. That encounter at the car led to an opportunity to mentor this positive and gifted young woman, and we are close friends to this day.

What made that connection work? It began by opening our eyes. She saw me as more than just a customer, but rather as a possible mentor. I saw her as more than a valet – I saw a smart girl filled with great enthusiasm and potential. What do you see as you observe the people around you?

How do we open our eyes to the treasure in others? What are some practical ways we can train our eyes to see beyond the immediate? Here are a few tips:

Strengthen your observation skills. Every time I’m in an airport waiting for my flight, I enjoy watching the people shuffling by me. I try to figure out where they are going and why, simply by observing what they are wearing or carrying. I employ a bit of imagination, but this little game helps me to pay attention to the details and improves my vision. Every person has a purpose or a reason for their journey, it takes a watchful eye to truly see.
Know their name. Savvy customer service companies are keenly aware of the power of a name. A thank you goes a whole lot further when it is accompanied by the person’s name and a smile. Often the name is easy to find because someone is wearing a name tag or handing you a credit card. If the name is not so obvious, introducing yourself only takes a moment. Use a name twice, then make a mental note of it, and you are more likely to remember it next time. Earl Nightingale put it this way, “Of all things people want, recognition is number one. And recognition means a name. It’s the sweetest sound a person can hear, even though you’ll never get them to admit it.”
Ask a question. The right question, at the right time can unveil a possible connection, a future opportunity or even a deep hurt or need. Recently, I was buying flowers at the grocery store and the customer next to me pushed aside the veil of isolation by saying, “Those are beautiful flowers. Are they for a special occasion?” What a great way to open up a conversation, when normally we would just stand there looking at our phones, waiting for our turn at the register. Questions are keys to unlock conversation and can be as simples as, “How are you doing today?” Or what about asking a waitress or a teacher or an Uber driver, “How can I pray for you?”

I know it’s a challenge for each of us to slow down, take our eyes off our agenda and pay attention to the people around us. Yet at the end of the day, what is more valuable than investing in another person’s life. It takes just a little extra effort to really see the person in front of us and care about his or her story, and certainly the reward is worth it. When we think about every individual as a beautiful creation of God, rather than just simply someone we pass on the street, it changes our perspective and makes every encounter shine brightly with potential.

Are You Critical or Constructive?

August 1, 2016Leave a comment

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When speaking to audiences, I often talk about the importance of being an encourager rather than a discourager. Granted, constructive criticism and wise concern have their place. I’m not saying we ought to be some sort of “Yes” people who always agree with everyone about everything with disingenuous flattery. A true encourager is not only uplifting, but she is also honest, sincere and specific with her comments. She uses her words to help build up and lead others in the direction of their best interest. An encourager is looking out for the good of the other individual and focusing on the possibilities instead of hunting and pecking at what could go wrong and zapping the hope right out of a person. A wise encourager looks with discernment for the solid stepping stones to help a person walk forward into the future, without giving false hope or unrealistic expectations.

Let’s use our opportunities to critique with a judicious sense of caution. How do you know when it is the right time to share a concern or a dissenting opinion? The best way to discern if your criticism is worth voicing is to ask yourself, “Will my comments essentially be helpful to the betterment of the individual and the situation?” Constructive criticism possesses at its very core a desire to create positive change, building others up rather than tearing them down. Bottom line, we must look at our motivation before we spill out a negative appraisals or derogatory comments. Jealousy, envy and rivalry are often the ugly, hidden motivations of a critical spirit. The queen of critique can harm hearts, reputations and opportunities when she spews her poisonous venom. May God help each one of us examine the deep and hidden motives in our hearts and take the log out of our own eye before trying to remove the splinter from someone else’s.
Worries, fears and focusing on the negative outcomes can also quickly turn us into Debbie Downers and Nancy Negatives. These women tend to cause defeat in someone’s life before the game even starts because they feel it is their duty to save people from making mistakes or going down difficult roads. But what if we let people follow their dreams and make a few mistakes in the process? Then haven’t they learned and grown in the process? Let’s not be a discouraging voice just because we are afraid of what may happen. Yes, there is a delicate balance between helping someone see the potholes and discouraging their dreams all together. There is no perfect answer to the dilemma. The most important piece of advice I can give you is to wait before you point out a negative. I have found for me personally, before I allow a negative comment (intended to help the other person see the problems of course), I wait. Often I wait several days in order to see if the situation has worked itself out, and most of the time I never need to say anything!
Criticizing people behind their back is never helpful and is a big red flag that our motivation is not pure. Discretion and discernment are the traits of a wise person who uses their ability to assess an individual, or situation or idea with guarded reproof. On the other hand, the constant dripping of condemnation from a faultfinding friend can cause disunity, generating a negative environment whether it is in a family, a neighborhood or at work.
If you must offer a critique, always do it in the spirit of helpfulness and strength. Begin by praising what you see that is right in the person or situation, then carefully open up a broader perspective. Words like, “Have you thought about it this way?” Or “Could it be possible to…?” These phrases help the recipient take in your idea without feeling ridiculed or discouraged. Whenever you must relay a negative evaluation, try to offer positive alternatives as well. Most important, determine in your heart that you will live a life of encouragement as you see the best in others.

This is an excerpt from Positive Leadership Principles for Women. Get your copy by clicking the info below.

Positive Leadership Principles for Women: 8 Secrets to Inspire and Impact Everyone Around You

By Karol Ladd / Harvest House Publishers

As a woman you have the chance to make a positive difference in your family, community, and society. In Positive Leadership for Women Karol Ladd uses examples from the lives of people in the Bible to highlight eight godly leadership principles and attitudes that will inspire you to grow in your role as a godly influencer.

7 Keys to Strengthen Your Connections

July 11, 2016July 12, 2016Leave a comment

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It’s almost humorous how attached we are to our smart phones. In fact, psychologists have coined the term nomophobic (no-mobile phone phobia) for those who have a fear of being without their phones. Oddly, with all this attachment, it’s easy to feel detached when it comes to connecting with those who matter most to us. Whether we are engaging with customers, clients, friends or family, there is always room for improvement in relating well with others. How do we increase engagement and understanding? What are the tools to help us introduce real and meaningful conversations between us? Here are seven positive keys to strengthen the connectedness within your business, your community and your personal life.
1. Perception – Body language and tone of voice can say more than you may think. Dr. Albert Mehrabian, author of Silent Messages, conducted several studies on nonverbal communication and found that only 7% of any message is conveyed through words. 38% is communicated through vocal elements like voice tone and inflection, and 55% are communicated through nonverbal elements such as body language. That means that 93% is non-verbal! In a culture that connects through texts and emails, a vast majority of our message is being missed. There are two takeaways that I think are elementary here. First we must recognize the power of our non-verbal cues when we are talking with someone whether over the phone or face to face. Secondly, if we want to understand others or be understood, the most effective communication is done in person.
2. Presence – Focus on the person you are in conversation with at the time. Be there. Be present through eye contact, body language and interaction. There are times when we must say to ourselves, “I’m not going to look at texts right now or think about all the other things I need to do. I’m going to listen and concentrate on the person who is talking with me right now. I’m going to see them and hear them.”
3. Power – Recognize the power of your words. Words have the ability to build up, or to destroy. They have the power to open up conversation or shut it down. Let’s use the power of our words for good; to inspire and encourage rather than to complain or argue. Our words have the ability to build bridges, yet in the heat of emotions often they become destructive. Let’s determine to use the power of our words for positive and proactive purposes, and never to tear down another person.
4. Perspective – Get to know the other person’s story. Often when we look beyond the façade, we find that there is a reason someone is acting in a particular way. What is their story? What have they been through in life? What have they experienced that is much different than our own experience? Each of us have different backgrounds and personality types, and so we view our circumstances in different ways. When we take the time to consider the other person’s viewpoint, we often build a connectedness and understanding, rather than condemnation and judgement.
5. Potential – No matter who we encounter, we must first see that person as a creation of God, and therefore as a person with value and worth. More than that, we must recognize that he or she has certain unique gifts, talents and abilities. I like to say that everyone is a treasure, and it is our job to do a treasure hunt to bring out the gems hidden within his or her heart. We can choose to see each person through the eyes of hope, recognizing their potential and seeing them as a gift to this world.
6. Practice – Connectedness doesn’t just happen. We must be willing to intentionally engage with others. We encounter people all the time, but how often do we stop to really see them, hear them and understand their story? When my husband was in the hospital, we came to know the nurses by asking about their lives and their families. We encouraged them and cared about them and listened to their story. They commented that coming into our room was like a breath of fresh air, because most patients were demanding and didn’t really see them as people. Practice connecting as you go through your day with the variety of people in your path.
7. Personal – The more balanced you are in life, the more positive your relationships tend to be. We have all been in those conversations with people who simply talk about themselves the entire time. It makes it tough to build a connection when the conversation is simply one-sided. Or what about someone who is consumed with anger or hatred or criticism? If we are to connect well with others, we must first consider our own emotional, mental, physical and spiritual well-being. Happy people are more likely to have healthy communication. Examine your life and consider if there are some changes or growth that needs to take place in yourself. Find your source of strength and comfort from God.

There is a deep need within each of us to be heard and understood. My hope is that these seven keys will spur you on to develop and deepen the relationships in your life, whether with family, friends or business associates. For the next several weeks I will expound on each key with stories, illustrations and practical applications. I hope you will join me. Let’s build bridges of connection together.

Click Here for more info on Karol’s new book, Positive Leadership Principles for Women.

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