The Essential Building Block to Creating Connection

Born in New York City in 1912, Ben Feldman is considered to be one of the most outstanding salespeople in history. At one point, he held the world record for the most life insurance product sold by a salesman in a career, with his name appearing in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Ben was one of nine children, born to immigrant parents Isaac and Bertha Feldman. When his family moved to Ohio, his first sales job was in his family’s wholesale poultry business. He started his career in life insurance sales as a young adult. Interestingly, when asked to do speaking engagements, he often refused due to stage fright. He eventually agreed to speak to audiences only if he was interviewed from behind a curtain, so he didn’t have to view the audience.  Despite his fear of speaking on stage, he seemed to have a gift for talking with people one-on-one.

He often said that salespeople must learn to listen with three ears.

They should listen to…

…What the prospect says.

…What the prospect doesn’t say.

…And what the prospect would like to say, but doesn’t quite know how to say it.

Whether in sales or in family life, we can learn from Ben’s positive principles. Listening is one of the greatest keys to connection with others. When we are deliberate about listening well, we help the other person feel loved, seen, and heard. So how do we become good listeners?

Here are a few thoughts:

  1. Maintain eye contact.
  2. Minimize distractions.
  3. Decide in your mind that this person has something worth saying.
  4. Pay attention to body language.
  5. Ask good questions to help you further understand what they are trying to say.

As we pay attention to what the other person is trying to communicate, we build a bridge of understanding. Let’s be intentional about our listening skills. We can begin at home, with our kids and grandkids over the dinner table, in the car, and when we are putting them to bed at night. Let’s extend our caring hearts to friends, neighbors, co-workers, and clients. May we be a light to others, not simply by our words but also by lending an ear.

A portion of this blog is from my book, Positive Connectivity. Check it out on Amazon by clicking here.

Five Fun Ways to Create Super Summer Memories

It can be the best of times; it can be the worst of times. We know it as summertime. Yes, our schedules are typically less chaotic, but the non-school months force us into heavy-duty togetherness. As a parent or grandparent, how can we make the best of this time of the year? Here are a few ideas to bring a smile to your kids’ faces as well as your own.

  1. Start the summer off with great expectations. Celebrate the start of summer with their favorite breakfast and a joyful welcome. Kids will catch your enthusiasm as you tell them what you are looking forward to during the coming months. Allow them to share what they hope to do while school is out of session as well. Delightfully discuss some house rules as far as screen time and snacks. It’s always a good idea to remind kids of the 3 D’s of discipline: Dishonesty, Disobedience, and Disrespect, letting them know you have great expectations for their behavior.
  2. No more B-word. Oh, the dreaded words, “I’m Bored!” As if the parents are in charge of the child’s entertainment 24/7! Here’s an idea – take a large mason jar and label it “Boredom Busters.” Provide each of your kids with small strips of paper and ask them to stop and think about what they could do if they ever felt the B-word coming to mind. Give them some ideas: you could read a book, do an art project, write a story or a poem, play in the sprinklers, shoot hoops, roller skate, visit a neighbor, cook, play with old Christmas gifts, do a puzzle, etc…Allow the kids to write their own ideas, fold each one up and put it in the jar. Then, if they ever think they are feeling B….. (well, you know), then tell them to go to the jar and pick an idea.
  3. Maintain a daily routine. We all do a little better with structure in our lives. During the summer, create a relaxed routine that combines flexibility with a light schedule. I recommend doing activities, errands, and outings in the morning hours when everyone is fresh and energetic. Make a plan to visit places in your area, such as parks, museums, hiking trails, and kid-friendly spaces. Plan a set time for lunch each day, and then have a little FOB time (Flat on Bunk) for the kids. We all need a little rest from our day and from one another. FOB allows us to rest and regroup for 30-45 minutes. Afternoon is a great time for crafts, screentime, or free-play. A bedtime routine is also important to your kids. Consider bath, brush teeth, devotional, and prayer before lights out.
  4. Choose different themes for each week. Each week, pick a topic, theme, or focus that provides direction to the things you do each day. Consider age-appropriate themes that fit your kids’ interests. What about Animal week, or Science week, or Plants and Flowers week, or Bug week, or Bird week, or Space week?  You get the idea. Infuse the week with A (activities), B (books), C (crafts), and D (devotionals). Let’s say you are doing Animal Week. For activities, you can go to a zoo, a farm, a wildlife preserve, a pet store, and/or a natural history museum. Go to the library and pick out books specifically about different animals. For crafts, you can make animal ears, create playdough animals, form animals out of foil, or simply do color pages with different animals. Devotionals can include Adam naming the animals, Noah and the ark, Job’s mention of dinos and other animals, or Daniel in the lion’s den.
  5. Keep it simple! Don’t exhaust yourself with a million ideas, just choose a few good ones that work for your family. Let’s not lose sight of the simple fun and memories that can be created by having time together. Running through sprinklers, making forts, playing school, throwing a frisbee, lying outside to observe the clouds or the stars, taking a walk, getting together with friends at a park doing a puzzle, or having movie night together – all provide easy, no-cost, joy-filled fun. Remember, we set the tone for the home. If we choose to find joy in the simple things, our attitude often permeates the home.

Finally, don’t forget the power of conversation. Dinnertime discussions can be an added value and blessing during this slower-paced time of the year. The benefits of our kids experiencing family togetherness are monumental in helping them feel seen and heard. Let’s make the most of this summer season and use this space to build memories and create connectedness as a family. Let’s stay positive and grateful for this time together. Happy possibilities abound!

The Month of Mom

Motherhood – it’s the toughest job you’ve ever loved! Through both the joys and the hardships, your words, actions, and example speak volumes into the lives of those you love. In this springtime of the year, I want to encourage you to think about the seeds you are planting into the soft and fertile soil of your children’s minds and hearts.

Whether you are a mom, grandmom, aunt, or teacher, here are some tips to help you think about making a positive impact for generations to come.

Speak Words of Truth – In a world full of misinformation, our young people are hungry for what is real and true. Wisdom from the Bible offers a firm foundation to feed the mind and spirit. We can choose deliberate times throughout our week to teach our kids spiritual truths from God’s word and plant seeds of hope, faith, and peace in their hearts.  Children’s devotionals and Bibles offer great resources for intentionally building an understanding of God’s love.

Use Teachable Moments – Opportunities to teach, train, and discipline occur spontaneously throughout each day, but we have to be looking for them. Disappointments or frustrations can become opportunities to ask God for peace and direction. A beautiful day, a trip to the zoo, a walk on the beach, a view of the stars – all offer joyful ways to point to the Creator of all things. Let’s grab these moments to gently point upward and invite our kids to see something bigger than themselves.

Remember the Power of Your Example – Our kids learn best, not from the words that come from our mouths but from the life lessons they observe in our actions. Our example shouts loudly and teaches our kids how to act and how to live. What positive principles does your life teach? Is it kindness, hope, and trust in God? Or is it anger, resentment, and constant frustration? It’s good to ponder what we are portraying.

As you can see, we have a powerful influence. Let’s be intentional about relaying positive messages and life lessons to the young ones in our lives. I am convinced that the only way I can be a good example and speak words of wisdom is to seek the Lord’s help each day. Every morning, I pray for His Spirit to flow through me in order to love those around me with grace and sincerity.

Keep looking up and leaning on Him as you speak into the next generation through your words and actions.

 Photo by Sai De Silva on Unsplash

For more positive encouragement check out Karol’s book, The Power of a Positive Mom

The Power of a Smile

It may seem simplistic, but a confident and sincere smile is an important part of the equation when it comes to communication. A smile speaks a thousand words. It says:

“I’m glad to meet you.”

“You are important.”

 “I care about you and am listening to you.”

“I believe in what I am presenting to you.”

“I feel confident about my product.”

A smile welcomes others and makes them feel comfortable and relaxed. It speaks confidence, openness and understanding. Savvy salespeople know that a smile, even when they are talking on the phone, can be perceived by the listener and changes the tone of the conversation. Now you may be thinking; but I don’t feel like smiling. I’m not saying you should wear a fake smile – everyone can see through that. Be honest and real with how you feel, but think of a smile as a gift to other people – it’s not about you. When we smile, the serotonin level (the happy hormone) in our brain is elevated. So, smiling can actually make us happier people! When you smile, you are not only building up others, you are also benefiting yourself as well.

When my dad, was a young insurance agent in Bloomington, Illinois, his office was in the downtown square near the city courthouse. On days when dad didn’t have a lunch appointment, he chose to walk the city square, not only to get exercise and a little sunshine, but also to practice the art of smiling. He smiled at everyone he encountered and soon smiling became a natural habit. Interestingly, I learned the habit of smiling from my dad. While I was at Baylor University, many people seemed to comment on my sunny disposition. In fact, that is one of the traits that attracted my husband, Curt, as he saw my consistently upbeat demeanor on campus each day. Give the gift of your smile to uplift others – you never know what doors it may open.

This blog is an excerpt from my new book, Positive Connectivity. Click here to order your copy.

Encouragement for Moms

Ever felt a out of your comfort zone? As moms and grandmoms, there are times when we can feel a little overwhelmed. For the next few weeks I want to provide a few inspiring devotionals for moms, as you serve in the hardest job you ever loved. Here’s a Mother’s Day devotional from the book of Esther.

 “Appearances can be deceptive. The fact that we cannot see what God is doing does not mean that he is doing nothing.” 

Sinclair Ferguson

Key Scripture Esther 4:13 – 16: ‘Don’t think for a moment that you will escape there in the palace when all other Jews are killed. 

If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. What’s more, who can say but that you have been elevated to the palace for just such a time as this?” 

Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai:  “God and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me.  Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day.  My maids and I will do the same.  And then though it is against the law; I will go in to see the king.  If I must die, I am willing to die.”

Devotional: God placed Esther in a place of honor; a long way from her humble beginnings as a young Jewish girl.  She held the title of queen, living in a Persian palace.  Little did she know that God had an even bigger plan for her life.  After a decree to destroy the Jews was unwittingly signed by the king, she had to step out of her comfort zone and into unknown territory.  One thing was for sure, she knew she must depend on God.  As she began her walk of faith, she asked for her people to fast and pray.  She didn’t rely on the comfort of her position, but rather the comfort of God’s sovereignty.

It would be nice if we could live in a comfy, safe situation with all of our ducks neatly in a row.  Unfortunately that’s not always how life plays out.  It may be a stretching experience like being asked to serve in a leadership capacity or it could be a stretching experience due to injury or tragedy.  Whatever takes us out of our comfort zone, takes us to the throne of grace. We can learn a lesson from Esther:  Trust in God’s sovereignty, pray for His help, and make a wise plan of action.

Prayer for Moms:

Sovereign Lord, praise you that you have plans that are far bigger than I can see.  I trust you and know that you are working in ways that are beyond me.  Thank you that no matter what I go through, you are with me.  No matter where I am, you are there.  In the nice, comfy times and in the stretching, scary times I know you will never leave me.  Please grant me strength and wisdom for the path you want me to take.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

“God’s ways are behind the scenes, but he moves all the scenes which he is behind.” – John Nelson Darby

This devotional is from my book, “The Power of a Positive Mom Devotional and Journal.”