Tag: Love

5 Tips for Positive Conversations At the Holiday Table

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Gathering around the table is a special time for family and friends to connect, share, laugh, and eat…a lot. Our hope is for happy conversations as we reflect on shared memories and common interests. But the dream of delightful discourse doesn’t always play out as we wish. How can we build on the positive and manage around the negative at our holiday table? Here are a few thoughts:

Initiate the Positive – Start your interactions with an uplifting tone, looking for ways to sincerely encourage those around you. Guard against grumbling, gossiping, or complaining. By focusing on what is good and praiseworthy, we create a positive atmosphere in the home. Let’s be on the lookout for ways to build one another up, show gratitude, and bring pleasant words to the table.

Ask Good Questions – Think of a few good and appropriate conversation starters to add if there is a quiet moment. Questions such as: What is one thing you are thankful for from this past year? What is the best book you have read this year? What is one satisfying accomplishment you have achieved this year?

 Keep in mind that you can also use questions to defuse a challenging or abrupt statement. What has led you to believe that way?  Can you tell us how you arrived at that point? Questions like these can open up an opportunity for someone to share their heart.

You can also use questions to defer a conversation until later. Would you mind if we talked about that topic after the meal? I really want to hear what you have to say, but it may be best to talk about that subject later.

Listen Well – Pay attention to what others are saying rather than trying to promote your personal viewpoint. Being a good listener means not only listening to the words someone is saying, but also noticing their tone and body language. Everyone has a desire to be seen and heard, so give the gift of your attention and help build an atmosphere of kind conversation. Again, if someone brings up a perspective you disagree with, ask a good question. Tell me more about why you feel that way, and I’d love to share my perspective with you as well. Would that be okay?

Don’t Be Easily Offended – Sometimes we need to allow statements to roll off of us like water on a duck’s back. Try not to take things personally, but rather attempt to understand why someone said what they said. Recognize that everyone says foolish and/or offensive statements at times. They are not always trying to offend. Silence can be a powerful tool to dissuade a heated conversation, so let’s be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Forgive people’s random comments and choose to be unoffendable.   

Maintain a Kind Tone – How we say things can make a monumental difference in the way they are received. Instead of sternly questioning, “Why would you say that?” Employ a kind tone and say, “Help us understand a little more about your point of view.” Kindness, humility, and respect are qualities of love that reflect and honor the Lord. Let us demonstrate His love in all we say and do, while holding onto His truth.  

Finally, I am not implying that we shift or move from what is right and true. God’s word offers life-changing truth. We can lovingly lead people to the foundational principles we find there through kind and healthy discourse.  Always remember that God’s ways seem foolish to unbelievers, so let us first point lovingly to Him. The apostle Paul’s description of love can be our motto in all our conversations this holiday season.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

The Power of an Encouraging Grandparent

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Sincere encouragement is like water to a thirsty soul. Deep within every heart there is a longing to be known, seen, heard, and appreciated. Often in the hectic pace of life, we miss the moments to share an uplifting word, a loving smile, a thoughtful hug, a handwritten note, or simply just being available. As grandparents have an unique opportunity to bolster the hearts of our little ones.

Now I’m not suggesting that we shower our grandkids with fake flattery. Kids can spot insincerity faster than a squirrel can bury a nut. Effective encouragement must be straightforward and specific. Instead of saying, “You’re the greatest…..in the world,” (which I think I can safely assume they are not), say something like, “I saw how hard you practiced for the game. Your persistent preparation paid off!” You can add, “I noticed how patient (or kind or precise or thoughtful) you were during the game. Great job.” Now you have given them a gift that is meant specifically for them.

Here are a few effective ways to spur on and uplift our grandkids:

  1. Write notes on a regular basis. The lost art of writing a letter can be a special gift to this young generation. Share a scripture you are praying for them. Tell them that you love them. Give them a specific and uplifting boost from your heart to theirs. Whether they live near or far, a simple note can mean the world to them and create a bond between you. For young ones, simply send a picture along with an I love you. It may be helpful to choose one day a month as your letter-writing day to grands.
  2. Look for opportunities to speak life giving words. Whenever you are present with your grandkids, you can discover ways to embolden them. Look for moments to motivate them. Sure, it’s easy to spot someone doing something wrong. We must be extra vigilant to catch them doing something right. Seize every opportunity to say a good word about their hard work or character. If you are watching their games or performances long distance, you can still deliver a positive message of support.
  3. Smile, hug, listen. Sometimes the best way to strengthen the heart is non-verbal. I like to say that a smile speaks a thousand words. It says, “I love you. I’m thrilled that you are mine. You are precious to me.” Even a facetime or video smile can boost the spirit. There are also times when our kids simply need a hug or a listening ear. Never underestimate these powerful forms of inspiration and motivation to uplift our young charges.

The root word “cor” in encouragement comes from the Latin word for heart. When we offer sincere and specific words of support for our grandkids, we are actually strengthening their heart. Who doesn’t need a little heart-strengthening in today’s world? Let’s be intentional about uplifting and inspiriting others, especially the next generation! No more grumpy grandparents – right?

For more ideas and encouragement for you or your kids, check out Karol Ladd’s books on Amazon.

Choose to Engage

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As the conversation continues concerning racism in our culture, I want to offer a few simple solutions. I know that the problem of racial division is deeply complex, but I do think that there are steps each of us can take to work toward harmony and unity.

It’s not just the government’s responsibility to ease racial tensions, it is also every individual’s responsibility. It begins in our own heart. It begins with a new focus of love and understanding within each one of us. How can you and I make a difference? Here are a few thoughts:

Mindset. Let’s ask God to put a love in our heart for all people, not just those who look like us and think like us. Psalms 145:9 says, “The Lord is good to all. He has compassion on all He has made.”  If the Lord has compassion on all that He has made, shouldn’t we do the same? Let’s ask God to open our eyes to see each person as a creation of God, to see their value and worth, rather than seeing their outward appearance. As we pray, let’s ask God to open our eyes to new friendships and seek His direction in connecting with people different than ourselves.

Action. We must be deliberate if we want to get to know people of other cultures and communities. It takes stepping out of our comfortable little world and intentionally reaching into the lives of others. How do we do that? Getting involved or volunteering in our own city is a good place to start. Let’s look for ways, not simply to give a handout (making ourselves feel good), but rather give a hand up by building relationships and connecting with people. Let’s be aware of the opportunities to develop friendships with people of other cultures at work, at church or at places we tend to visit on a regular basis.

Love. The word “love” is used in such a flippant manner in today’s culture it seems to have lost its depth and meaning. When we love someone, we sincerely want the best for them. We see the potential in them and encourage them in their journey. We listen. We care. We persevere. We lift up. Love requires time and commitment. Love breaks down the barriers of us/them and simply says, “We are all in this together.”

Racial reconciliation begins with us. It begins as each of us takes a step outside our comfort zone and into community, engaging with people whose lives may be very different than our own.

Will you take the first step?

 

If you are looking for a way to serve in your community, prayerfully consider joining the Engage Positive Parenting Initiative team of volunteers. Click here for more information.

Love – 25 Positive Words, Day 22

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Day 22

If we have the perfect gifts for everyone in our family and fill their stockings to the brim, but are angry and rude to those around us, we miss the greatest gift of all – love.  And if our house looks perfect and we have the best decorations in the neighborhood, yet speak unkindly to others or gossip behind their backs, we’ve missed the most beautiful decoration of the season – love.

We may be busy, but we can always be loving in how we interact with others. Let’s look for ways to demonstrate God’s love through patience, compassion and mercy. Let’s shine the light of His love through our kind words, sincere smile and thoughtful actions, for this is truly how we celebrate Jesus and reflect His character.

Strengthening the Family

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 We had a wonderful time at PWC last week with our guest Janee Harrell teaching about finding our identity in Christ.  It was a great lesson teaching us to be open, honest and real.  Also, this week Curt and I celebrated our anniversary.  Here’s a few thoughts about marriage that I want to share with you.

Our Anniversary Trip, climbed a mountain!

‎“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times – always with the same person.” M. McLaughlin

This week Curt and I celebrated 28 years of marriage!  Can you believe it?  I know you must be thinking that we got married when we were 12 years old by looking at our pictures, right?  Okay, at least I was hoping you were thinking that.  As far as marriage is concerned, the reality is every marriage has its unique set of challenges, because we are two unique people, with two unique sin patterns joining together to try to live life as one.  

It’s not always easy, but marriage can certainly be a joy and a blessing not only to you as a couple, but to your kids and your community.  It’s worth working on and fighting for, because God uses marriage as a foundational structure of society.  And who can deny that our society desperately needs good strong marriages today to help our next generation on their way?  Here’s a few important thoughts in strengthening your marriage that we’ve tried to implement in our home.

Forgive and ask forgiveness often.

Pray together every night before going to sleep.

Build each other up with words and kind actions.

Do not put down your spouse with your words.

Encourage each other’s gifts, talents and interests.

Go on dates together as often as possible.

Laugh together.

Look to the Lord (not your spouse) to meet your emotional needs.

Examine your own heart instead of always blaming your spouse.

One last thought, this week on Family Life Today radio I heard a couple share their story of how God resurrected their dead marriage to become a loving and vibrant relationship in Christ. They reminded the listeners that if we really believe that God raised Jesus from the dead, then why can’t we believe that this same God can resurrect dead marriages.  If you are currently struggling to hold your marriage together I want to first encourage you to seek God’s help and visit a Biblically-based counselor.  I also want to encourage you to go to the Family Life website ( www.familylife.com )  as a great resource.