The Essential Building Block to Creating Connection

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Born in New York City in 1912, Ben Feldman is considered to be one of the most outstanding salespeople in history. At one point, he held the world record for the most life insurance product sold by a salesman in a career, with his name appearing in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Ben was one of nine children, born to immigrant parents Isaac and Bertha Feldman. When his family moved to Ohio, his first sales job was in his family’s wholesale poultry business. He started his career in life insurance sales as a young adult. Interestingly, when asked to do speaking engagements, he often refused due to stage fright. He eventually agreed to speak to audiences only if he was interviewed from behind a curtain, so he didn’t have to view the audience.  Despite his fear of speaking on stage, he seemed to have a gift for talking with people one-on-one.

He often said that salespeople must learn to listen with three ears.

They should listen to…

…What the prospect says.

…What the prospect doesn’t say.

…And what the prospect would like to say, but doesn’t quite know how to say it.

Whether in sales or in family life, we can learn from Ben’s positive principles. Listening is one of the greatest keys to connection with others. When we are deliberate about listening well, we help the other person feel loved, seen, and heard. So how do we become good listeners?

Here are a few thoughts:

  1. Maintain eye contact.
  2. Minimize distractions.
  3. Decide in your mind that this person has something worth saying.
  4. Pay attention to body language.
  5. Ask good questions to help you further understand what they are trying to say.

As we pay attention to what the other person is trying to communicate, we build a bridge of understanding. Let’s be intentional about our listening skills. We can begin at home, with our kids and grandkids over the dinner table, in the car, and when we are putting them to bed at night. Let’s extend our caring hearts to friends, neighbors, co-workers, and clients. May we be a light to others, not simply by our words but also by lending an ear.

A portion of this blog is from my book, Positive Connectivity. Check it out on Amazon by clicking here.

The Influence of Positive Grandparents

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This week I want to share with you a podcast that I recently recorded. It’s all about the influence you can have as a grandparent. I hope you will set aside a moment to listen and be encouraged.

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Here’s a few key points to put into practice:

  1. Be faithful and diligent to pray for each of your grandkids.
  2. Be intentional about conversations with your grandkids, asking good questions and listening to their hearts.
  3. Be encouraging. Speak life, hope and blessings into your kids and grandkids.

Engage With Us

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Join with us on this special Day of giving!

As many of you know (and some of you are just now seeing), I’ve had the joy of founding and serving with Engage Positive Parenting Initiative since 2012. We use discussion-based classes to help and encourage moms and dads to be the best parents God created them to be.

The family is the foundational structure of any society. We want to build strong families through encouraging parents in their journey of raising the next generation.

Here’s a link to help us reach our goal of loving and serving in communities, not only in North Texas, but across the nation. https://mtyc.co/t6is0g On this special day of Giving, we hope you will support us and share our organization with others.

For more information about Engage, visit our website at: www.EngageParenting.com

4 Ways to be a Glowing Example to your Kids and Grandkids

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Little eyes are always learning. In fact, they often learn faster and quicker than little ears. We can try to teach life lessons through our wonderful words of wisdom, but if our children aren’t seeing it in real-time as they observe our lives, the lesson is often lost. “Do as I say, not as I do,” just doesn’t fly.

My grandpa Sandy was a wonderful example to me. His resourcefulness, wisdom, and kind demeanor made me want to live up to his standards. Although he lived hundreds of miles away, he was still a light and an influence to me whenever we were together. So what are some practical ways to set a glowing example as parents or grandparents? Allow me to offer several simple thoughts:

  • Let them see you being Kind and respectful toward others. Make a genuine and sincere effort to be thoughtful to everyone you encounter, from waitstaff to cashiers to neighbors. As our children observe our kindness in action, they will learn one of life’s most valuable lessons.
  • Let them see how you handle a challenge or a crisis. If we hope to raise resilient kids, then we must demonstrate how to face difficulties with wisdom, peace, and fortitude.  One of the greatest actions we can show our kids is how to handle the ups and downs of life. When we pray for God’s help in the midst of frustrations or heartaches, we are helping them learn to seek God’s guidance through life’s storms.
  • Let them see you apologize. Let’s be honest, we don’t always get it right. We rarely respond exactly as we want. There are times when we must ask for forgiveness. Just because we are older doesn’t mean we are perfect. When we apologize, we teach our children humility, forgiveness, and how to say I’m sorry.
  • Let them see you laugh. Find joy in life and share it with others. Smile often. Play games, tell jokes, read silly books, and go to fun places. Help your kids learn to enjoy life as you share a hearty dose of happiness from your own example.  

Sometimes the way up is down. Not too long ago, I read a book called Humility, in which author Andrew Murray reminds us that true humility comes from recognizing our complete dependence on the Lord. We can’t even be humble on our own – we need the humility of Christ, which comes through the power of the Holy Spirit. So, let’s begin our journey to being a great example for the next generation by humbly asking the Lord to help us. We can’t do this on our own.

Photo by Benjamin Elliott on Unsplash

The Power of an Encouraging Grandparent

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Sincere encouragement is like water to a thirsty soul. Deep within every heart there is a longing to be known, seen, heard, and appreciated. Often in the hectic pace of life, we miss the moments to share an uplifting word, a loving smile, a thoughtful hug, a handwritten note, or simply just being available. As grandparents have an unique opportunity to bolster the hearts of our little ones.

Now I’m not suggesting that we shower our grandkids with fake flattery. Kids can spot insincerity faster than a squirrel can bury a nut. Effective encouragement must be straightforward and specific. Instead of saying, “You’re the greatest…..in the world,” (which I think I can safely assume they are not), say something like, “I saw how hard you practiced for the game. Your persistent preparation paid off!” You can add, “I noticed how patient (or kind or precise or thoughtful) you were during the game. Great job.” Now you have given them a gift that is meant specifically for them.

Here are a few effective ways to spur on and uplift our grandkids:

  1. Write notes on a regular basis. The lost art of writing a letter can be a special gift to this young generation. Share a scripture you are praying for them. Tell them that you love them. Give them a specific and uplifting boost from your heart to theirs. Whether they live near or far, a simple note can mean the world to them and create a bond between you. For young ones, simply send a picture along with an I love you. It may be helpful to choose one day a month as your letter-writing day to grands.
  2. Look for opportunities to speak life giving words. Whenever you are present with your grandkids, you can discover ways to embolden them. Look for moments to motivate them. Sure, it’s easy to spot someone doing something wrong. We must be extra vigilant to catch them doing something right. Seize every opportunity to say a good word about their hard work or character. If you are watching their games or performances long distance, you can still deliver a positive message of support.
  3. Smile, hug, listen. Sometimes the best way to strengthen the heart is non-verbal. I like to say that a smile speaks a thousand words. It says, “I love you. I’m thrilled that you are mine. You are precious to me.” Even a facetime or video smile can boost the spirit. There are also times when our kids simply need a hug or a listening ear. Never underestimate these powerful forms of inspiration and motivation to uplift our young charges.

The root word “cor” in encouragement comes from the Latin word for heart. When we offer sincere and specific words of support for our grandkids, we are actually strengthening their heart. Who doesn’t need a little heart-strengthening in today’s world? Let’s be intentional about uplifting and inspiriting others, especially the next generation! No more grumpy grandparents – right?

For more ideas and encouragement for you or your kids, check out Karol Ladd’s books on Amazon.